I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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