I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
