i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
