So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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