I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
