So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
