Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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