I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
