I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
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It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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