I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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