After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
