Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
