I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize