I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
