He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
did i walk over a car last night?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
