How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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