Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
