I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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