Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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