I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
