Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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