You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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