Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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