do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
