forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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