i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
