You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
