Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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