we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
