Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
