Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
