Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
