I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
