Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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