I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
