my mouth tastes like poor choices
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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