I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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