So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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