It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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