Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize