the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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