dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
