not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
