my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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