I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
