so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
