She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
