He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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