3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
