I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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