yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
