i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Actions speak louder than pants.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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