I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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