Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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