and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is Oprah even human
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
