I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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