and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
