maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
