i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
