So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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