what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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