i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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