Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
