I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
