that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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