Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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