Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My bed smells like the plague
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