That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
