I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
