Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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