My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize