one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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