It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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