Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.