and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.