Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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