Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY