so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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